Kellyanne and the Wicked Witch of the West


Illustration by W. W. Denslow from the original edition of L. Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900) (from Wikipedia, public domain)

Whether you are repelled or attracted by The Trump (see “Trumped by The Trump” for an explanation of the title), rational folk cannot help but be relieved by his feat in lifting the burden of the Wicked Witch of the West from our lives. Even some Democrats must have worried about the prospect of the cold-eyed Queen Hillary and her Familar Bill turning the United States into a satrapy of the rapidly-expanding Clinton Foundation and Wall-Street Convenience Store. Not for nothing did the crews of the aircraft she flew in name them ‘Broomstick One’; she had a well-documented reputation for single-minded ambition and high-handed, four-letter rudeness to those who worked for her, or for the American people on her behalf, like the Secret Service.

Defenders of the Clintons love to argue that for all the scandals and turmoil that have followed them for decades—cattle futures; Whitewater/Castle Grande; missing Rose Law Firm records; Travelgate; on up to Queen Hillary’s blatant defiance of national security rules by using her own email server, almost certainly to hide influence peddling on a vast scale in the office of Secretary of State—none of them, say liberals, have resulted in indictments and prosecution. But the Clintons have narrowly escaped by twisting power to their advantage: Judicial Watch, for example, has revealed the existence of a draft indictment in Queen Hillary’s Whitewater crimes, and memos which “suggest that if she weren’t First Lady, she would have been successfully prosecuted in federal court.” And of course, despite her ongoing efforts to control her Familiar’s ‘bimbo eruptions’, Bill ended up losing his law license and paying almost a million dollars in settlement funds to Paula Jones, the lady he notoriously invited to “kiss it.”

Remember that the FBI was never able to corral the notorious gangster Al Capone for his many crimes, finally resorting to income tax evasion!

So in one enthralling evening of flickering ‘battleground-state’ margins, not ending until The Trump successfully edged the Wicked Witch in Pennsylvania at 2:40 AM, the nation was spared the prospect of four—or even eight?—years of rule by the political equivalent of the Mafia: the Clinton Crime Family. It took 30 years of dogged scheming and planning to get Queen Hillary to the point where she could be elected to the Presidency. But it took only one night to smash her plans to pieces.


Kellyanne Conway at CPAC 2016 (Photo by Gage Skidmore, via Wikipedia, Creative Commons)

In fairness, though, I suspect that we owe our rescue to a lady named Kellyanne Conway. She was a Ted Cruz supporter, who moved over to the Trump campaign as an advisor after the Republican convention. Then The Trump fired his second campaign manager, and Kellyanne took over. The change was immediate. What went on behind the scenes we won’t know until the first ‘tell-all’ books come out, but the candidate metamorphosed from an undisciplined shoot-from-the-hip roustabout at huge rallies to a focused whistle-stop campaigner. The crowds were still large, but the speeches were written out. The Trump was at first a little stiff when reading from the teleprompter, but he’s nothing if not a quick study, and his entertainment experience took over: he turned texts into broadsides, and interjected just enough ad-lib jokes and asides to keep the fans happy. Word was that Kellyanne—or someone—took away his cell phone, which curtailed his 3 AM reactive tweets. The Trump started looking ‘Presidential’.

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